For most of the past two years I’ve been single, in the
sense that I’ve not seriously dated anyone for any serious length of time. For
the entirety of my life I’ve been single in the sense that I’ve never been
married. The past two weeks of my life have been very quiet and full of
inactivity. I do a pretty good job of defining myself by not only what I do but
also who I surround myself with. And for these past weeks I’ve been surrounded
by married people and Neal, who is married to his job (I don't think there is anything wrong with that, by the way). In past blog posts I’ve
said that I think that marriage is great and that whoever is called into it is
blessed beyond what I can probably understand at this point in my life. But for
me, right now, I’m not called to marriage. I’m called to singleness, and some
might say loneliness. Before you feel too sorry for me let me say this: stop.
Part of the reason why I write this blog is so that someone might be able to
identify with what I’m going through and not feel alone. Not so that those who don’t
can pity me. I don’t mean to sound harsh, just to the point. And now that I
have that through on to the thesis of this post.
If I am a Christian, and if I am to subscribe to God and
Christ’s teachings about everything, what do they have to say about singleness?
What does the Bible have to say about such things? I first started my research
at what I think is an appropriate place: the beginning. Genesis 2:18-25 says:
“Then
the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper
suitable for him.’ Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the
field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he
would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its
name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to
every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable
for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he
slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The
LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and
brought her to the man. The man said,
‘This is now bone of my bones,
And
flesh of my flesh;
She
shall be called Woman,
Because
she was taken out of Man.’
For this reason a man shall leave his
father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one
flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
(Side note, I’ll be including the surrounding scripture to
what I use. It’s a big pet peve of mine when pastors and teachers take only
what they need and don’t let the Word speak for itself, so I’ll be avoiding
that if I can)
So right away I find that “It is not good for the man to be
alone.” I can agree with that, I haven’t much liked being alone the past two
weeks. Unfortunatly I can’t do what God did and make a woman for me, so I’m
“doomed” to wander about until I run into her. Or am I?
1 Corinthians 7 (Verses 1-9, 17, 24, and 32-35 highlighted)
Now concerning the things about which
you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of
immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her
own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also
the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body,
but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority
over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by
agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come
together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of
self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish
that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from
God, one in this manner, and another in that.
But I say to the unmarried and to widows
that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have
self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord,
that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must
remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband
should not divorce his wife.
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has
a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not
divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to
live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband
is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through
her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they
are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the
sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For
how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you
know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Only, as the Lord has assigned to
each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct
in all the churches. Was any man called when he was already circumcised?
He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He
is not to be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is
nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man
must remain in that condition in which he was called.
Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if
you are able also to become free, rather do that. For he who was called in the
Lord while a slave, is the Lord’s freedman; likewise he who was called while
free, is Christ’s slave. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of
men. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in
that condition in which he was called.
Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I
give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. I think
then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a
man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released.
Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you marry, you have
not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have
trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. But this I say, brethren,
the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be
as though they had none; and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and
those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though
they did not possess; and those who use the world, as though they did not make
full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away.
But I want you to be free from
concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he
may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of
the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman
who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord,
that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is
concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I
say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is
appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward
his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do
what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his
heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has
decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do
well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well,
and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.
A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her
husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the
Lord. But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think
that I also have the Spirit of God.”
Ok, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” I think we
can all be on board with that, unless you’re married right? Well Paul doesn’t
seem to be saying that…he seems to be espousing the kind of life he leads, an
un-married one. But he goes on to say that he only wishes that every man was
like him, and that everyone has their own gifts. It seems that he is saying
that singleness, or at least the ability to lead a life without a spouse, is a
spiritual gift. Never heard about that one growing up.
The main reason why Paul wants the Corinthians to remain
unmarried is so that they will be “free from concern.” It’s his logic that if
someone is not married, they can put all their focus on the Lord and His work,
if they are married the wife and kiddos come into the mix. Makes sense, it
would be a whole lot easier for me to pack my bags and move to Beofra than my
Dad or Brother. Nothing new there, it seems. Just simple logic.
So that is Paul. For a moment let’s take a little break from
him and move on to someone else: Jesus.
Matthew 19:1-12
“When Jesus had finished these
words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the
Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there.
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’ And He answered
and said, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE
THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER
AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH?” So
they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together,
let no man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER
A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your
hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the
beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,
except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’
The disciples said to Him, ‘If the
relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.’
But He said to them, ‘Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to
whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their
mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there
are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of
heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.’
Yeish. A marriage should stay intact no matter what, except
in the case of sexual immorality. In my mind the disciples are thinking about
all the marriages they see that aren’t immoral, but are a burden on those
within them. I’ve seen those and it’s no fun to be on the outside of, much less
trapped within. So they say “it’s better not to marry.” And does Jesus then go
into salesman mode and protect the institution He helped create? Nope, He
agrees and says that some have been given that statement, and some haven’t. I
read that some have been called into marriage, and some have not. It’s not
everyone’s bag.
I’ll let you look up
1
Timothy 3:1-13 and
1
Timothy 4:1-4. There are some more rules there for marriage, holding church
offices, and such. It fills out the picture of who can do what a little more,
so I’d encourage you to read through.
So what’s my reaction to all this? It seems that some are
called to marriage and some aren’t. This isn’t something that I thought about
before, but I suppose that it makes sense. There are some people who are made
for it and some who would do terribly at it. But where does that leave me? I
feel as if I am called to it…but don’t have it. Perhaps I’m overreacting to how
life is right now. And maybe I’ve zoomed it a bit too much on my own situation
and don’t have enough perspective. That’s fair and probably right. But as life
is right now…I’m lonely. But that is ok. Weather or not I’m called to marriage
is a moot point. I’m called to be right where I am right now and all I can do
about it is try to connect to those around me while I can.
God has blessed me and my lonliness. God has blessed me with lonliness. Without it I wouldn’t
have the freedom to hike to Maple Woods Nature Preserve and camp out the night
before I get orentation at PT’s. I couldn’t even consider moving to Boston. But
because of my lonliness, I can do all of that. And when you think about it,
that’s a pretty good deal.
Luke
luketlancaster@gmail.com
P.S. This one is for the local church: my job in life isn’t
to get married and make Christian babies. My place is not with 20-50
single-somethings. And when I look at the groups that you’ve provided and find
that there isn’t one single opportunity to connect with people in my age/career
bracket that makes me think that you don’t care and that the important people are
the marrieds, the young kids, the men, and the women. When you offer marriage
courses but not singleness courses that tells me that you are willingly
ignoring one of the two callings set out by God in scripture, and that’s wrong.
