Monday, January 31, 2011

yeah it's nice outside, but i think i'll stay on this couch.

This weekend was positively gorgeous in Nashville. Clear skies, 65 degrees, no humidity. It was how all summers should be. On Saturday Cory and I sat on the front stoop and just enjoyed the weather. I'm not ashamed to say that I was wearing my robe. It was sad that I slept in until noon, having missed most of the day that that point. It was so nice outside that I wore my Chaco's. I love wearing my Chaco's. The rest of the day consisted of helping a neighbor haul off some old metal fencing, relaxing (inside), grilling a nice ribeye, and the first ever 600 Moore bake-off.

On Sunday I had to play at church, so I woke up and made some coffee and had a banana nut muffin for breakfast. I dressed in my suit, because I don't get a chance to do that often enough, and played my bass for church. Then I went home and instead of taking a nap I played a video game all day long. It was just as nice on Sunday as it was the previous day, only a few more clouds in the sky.

Why, you're probably asking, am I writing about my weekend? It's not to make you jealous of me, but to bring up the topic of motivation. Why is it so hard to do things that are good for me: eat right, exercise, get to sleep at a reasonable hour (it's 12:06 now), or even go outside. Why do I lack the motivation to get out of bed a little early? It's just easier to sleep in, isn't it? It's much easier to say, "I'm going to go to the church service on Sunday night." At least for me it is.

I found myself on Saturday having the itch to do be active. To go throw a the aerobie, fly a kite, ride my motorcycle, run a mile. But instead of doing any of those things after some work with Colby, I sat inside and played a video game. Why didn't I do any of those things? Why, when I'm at work, is it hard to get work done? Why, when I'm out, is it hard for me to meet new people? To relate? Why is it hard to keep in touch with the people who now live further away than across campus?

I believe that it's a challenge for me to go outside, to be active, by myself. It's hard for me to do anything by myself, to be perfectly honest. But the longer I'm single the more I appreciate the joy that can be found in solitude. In walking by myself, in watching a movie alone, in sitting in silence. But there are still days that I will take the "comfort" of a video game over the inherent loneliness which can be found in everyday activities.

The other reason why it's hard for me to do things is that old habits die hard. I've taught myself how to behave in certain situations. It's my habit to keep to myself, to stay at home, and to lead a "quiet" life. But the problem with quiet lives is that they don't mix with singleness.

I feel like I'm rambling on, but I also feel a new resolution within myself. Not "try something new every day" or "do fifty sit-ups every day," closer to "break out of myself when I can." Don't just accept the status quo for myself. I hope that this new-found desire leads to some interesting stories. And posting on Monday mornings. 

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