what i want to be when i grow up

Thanks for voting folks! The fun little widget over there told me that 75% of you want me to write about what I want to be when I grow up. I'd say that I was grateful for the calculation, but figuring out what percentage 3 of 4 is isn't too challenging. I was looking for some inspiration though, so it was helpful.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I suppose I should preface this with the things I used to want to be when I grew up:

1. Chemical Engineer. This one is pretty easy to explain: my Dad is a Chemical Engineer, and I really just wanted to be like him when I grew up. I love my Dad, and I guess that the way I showed that love was wanting to be like him. He provided for me, put me through college, and continues to be a phenomenal example of what it looks like to be a Christian man, and a Christ follower. I later found that you had to be good at math for this career to work out, and while I could be if I wanted...I didn't want. Thus, I'm not making $50,000 a year.

2. Youth Pastor. This was what my first major in college was, and the reason why I wanted to do this was Joel Marshall. Joel was my youth pastor growing up, and he is an amazing man as well. I was mentored by Joel in High School, we met every other week for the better part of two years. Through his experiences at Antioch Bible Baptist Church I learned what it meant to work in a church, and eventually learned that I didn't want to do that.

3. Counselor. I enjoy listening to people and making up metaphors for their lives. This was why I eventually landed on Psychology as a major, and Christian Leadership as a minor. I think that this desire is one that is still within me. I could see myself doing this for a living, though it may require a different type of schooling than that which I'm pursing right now. But you always need a plan B, right?

4. Professor. While at Belmont I had the opportunity to lead some Introduction to Psychological Science labs. I loved helping the intro students understand what they needed to do for their course, and teaching them about Psychology in general. One of the great joys in my life lies in teaching, in being in front of people and making something that is complex simple for them. This choice is the one that I am currently pursing, what with grad school and all.

I'm sure that there are other things that I wanted to be when I was a kid. I remember joking that I was going to be a trash man, thinking that going to the moon sounded neat, and wanting to be rich enough to not have to do anything. But now my goals are a little different.

I don't have any clue what the future holds for me, and to be honest that scares me. I have thought a lot lately about how this life is my one shot. I don't get another chance at it. And I really don't want to screw it up. We live in a time where frenetic action is looked highly upon, and where waiting is seen as weak. But I feel as if I'm in a place in life where I am being called to wait. This could be God trying to teach me that He has something much better for me that I could even think of (which I've been told over and over again), or it could be Him trying to show me that I can't do anything worth any value without Him. Or it could be that I haven't done well enough to get to where I want to go.

This may be the most real I've been with some people that are reading this, and I hope you won't think less of me for it. But lately I have been thinking that I really don't try hard enough to get the things that I want. I want to go to grad school, but I really kind-of phoned it in with my applications. I didn't have many people proof my personal statements, and I got my supporting materials into the schools the day they were due. I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me. I say it to paint a more accurate picture of the place I'm in right now, which is ok.

When I grow up I no longer want to be a chemical engeneer or youth pastor. I no longer want to be Chris or Joel. I want to be Luke. And I want Luke to be a guy who cares about the people who he is around, no matter who they are. I want Luke to be responsible, to do not only what is required of him but to do extra. I want Luke to be content wherever he is, even if it kind-of stinks. And to be honest, I want the same for you all as well.

Thanks for reading

Luke
luketlancaster@gmail.com